Summoning the Princes of Coffee: A Purim Parody
The Jewish holiday of Purim celebrates the events recorded in the biblical book of Esther. It is a holiday of great merriment, traditionally with the wearing of costumes, feasting and the drinking of wine. Some medieval rabbis wrote short parodies of the Talmud, using the same language and style to create funny "spoofs", often involving discussions of drinking wine from silly names like "rabbi wine", "rabbi beer" and "rabbi barrel" for example. This got me thinking, wouldn't it be fun to recreate a magical adjuration as a parody as well? There are many adjurations for demonic princes over various reflective surfaces, why not coffee?! Although this blog is a serious blog on magical topics, I've decided, in the Purim holiday spirit, to compose an adjuration over the "princes of coffee" in Hebrew with an English translation! Enjoy!
Using freshly brewed coffee, take a black handled spoon and recite the following incantation over the cup of coffee while stirring the cup:
O Princes of Coffee, I adjure thee, Coffeiel, Caffeineiel, Arabicaiel and Robustael to answer my question. Answer me with the full strength of the caffeine in this cup and not in prevarication as the decaffeinated demons of falsehood are wont to do.
Gaze into the cup and Princes will answer your question. Then, bade them farewell and say: "Go in peace, as it is written my cup runneth over (Psalm 23:5)."
One may add some milk and sugar, but one who adds too much angers the Princes of Coffee and puts his life in danger [lit. his blood is on his head].
Hello. I find your blog quite interesting. I must ask, have you read the shorshei ha-shemot? I have studied the lore behind that book, and the notoriously difficult process to obtain it, but figured given your knowledge in this field, you must own a copy.
ReplyDeleteHello Aditya, thank you and I'm glad you are enjoying my blog. Yes, I do own a copy of Shorashei HaShemot :)
DeleteAs I figured! Is it an English copy?
DeleteNo English translation, just the original Hebrew.
DeleteAhh I see. I have been looking everywhere for the English translation. Would you happen to know where to buy one?
DeleteAlso do you have an English translation of the Masseh Merkava?
I wasn't even aware there was an English translation of Shorashei HaShemot till I googled it. Apparently there is one published in 5 volumes but it looks like it's sold out and extremely expensive. If you're looking for an English translation of Kabbalistic amulets, I translated parts of my book under the name "Magnus Liber Sigillorum" that might intrest you.
DeleteI have the Masseh Merkava in the original Hebrew, but I've never seen it in English. If I ever find it in translation I'll let you know.
Excellent. I was not aware that you wrote books! I will order that volume right away.
DeleteAdditionally, a topic of interest has been the obtaining of an “eidetic” or photographic memory (through non visualization or pneumonic techniques), using either an amulet or a recited formula. Do you know of any such books of magic which delineate said process?
Certain formulas to increase memory or reduce forgetfulness are indeed recorded in the practical kabbalah texts. Right now, I'm in the midst of several drafts for future posts, but perhaps I'll cover that topic in the future. With blessings, Rabbi Cohen ;)
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